:-D

I suppose you can put this in the catagory of relationships. I go through this every 2 weeks. I get so sad the day my kids are suppose to go back to their dads. It is something even after 8 years I have not been able to adjust to. I get so sad and depressed when they leave. I hate to see them go, but I know I will once again see them in another couple of weeks..

Normally I do not have a problem with them being away for the 2 weeks. Although it does happen that at times, I yearn to be with them and I know I cant. So, when I feel this way, I usually call the kids & talk to them on the phone and that helps alot.

But for now and for most of the remaining night, I will be sad , down & miss them. I look forward to the next time when we see each other, I will have a beautiful smile for them :-D

These are my thoughts and feelings about the end of my visitation time with my boys.

Kitty

My Job:

Today I trained for 4 hours @ the receptionist position. I love it! not bad... sure there are times that are slow, but I don't think it will nearly be as bad as working at the dock or even at the front desk @ ULA. I go in tomorrow and train for another 4 hours at the receptionist position.

My Kids:

I get visitation with my boys this weekend. Shanes birthday is actually tomorrow. GOD! I can't believe he will be 13 !! I have not gotten him anything yet. I think I am going to run over to the game store and get him a couple of memory cards for his PS2. As far as anything else.. Im not sure what we can/ will get him yet.

My Pets:

For the moment they are fine. Kaceys baby is about 6 weeks old now and is all over the apartment. Unfortunatley I think Kacey is pregnant again :(  When Chuck and I separate, I will try to take both dogs with me. Also maybe Marvin as well. If I can only take 1 dog, then I will take Tiny and he will keep Coco. He will either keep the cats or take them to the shelter. Not sure about that either yet. We have to see.

My Fun:

Fun? whats that? I havent had any of that in awhile. I havent kept up with any of my hobbies for quite some time. Maybe after I move and get a bit settled in, I can resume some of the activities I enjoy, like knitting, chrocheting, writing pen pals, etc.

Well I will close this blog for now.

Bright Blessings,

Kitty

A very big question.... and one I can not answer at the moment. Chuck and I have decided to separate.. I think I have made that pretty clear so far. What I havent made clear yet is.. how we are towards each other and what kind of a break up this is. This is NOT a " I hate you & want a divorce tomorrow!" kinda break up.. This is for now... just a separation...We love each other alot still, but this is just something Chuck feels as though he needs to do. I kinda dont  mind living on my own for a change. I have never lived by myself and maybe this is something I need in my life.

Chuck is being a real man about this. He has ALWAYS said to me that he wants to make sure I am all right and taken care of if we ever split up. He is doing that. I am looking for a place to move to. It will either be a studio or a 1 bedroom apartment. I am trying to find one that I can have AT LEAST one of my dogs with me. It is very tough, but I am grateful that my dogs are both small dogs as the larger breeds are ten times harder to find apartments that will accept them.

Both Chuck and I still love and care for each other very much. I am not really sure why he wants us to separate, but I am hopeful that one day we will be able to get back together again. Maybe an untraditional marriage would work best for us... where we each live at our own place..Chuck told me that he left a message for his company in Las Vegas to see if there was a possibility of him transferring out there, but he has not heard anything yet.

I have not yet started to pack, maybe I will start that tomorrow. Packing and getting rid of alot of clutter/junk I have. That in itself will take awhile lol. Chuck told me that he plans on staying at this complex when I move out. He wants to move to a 2 bedroom apartment. So, I know with him saying that, that he will be here in Colorado at LEAST another 6 months. So that has me a little more at ease.

So... that us the latest update on my relationship.

Kitty 

Good Evening,

Yes....So very hard.. espically if you can not go anywhere right away and have to live with the other person in the same bed for a period of time. Every day it feels as though Chuck is pouring salt into my wound. I keep hoping he will come to his senses, but as every day goes by, he seems to be further and further from them.

I was thinking today about MAYBE moving out to Nevada with him. I thought ... well I have barely been out of Colorado in my life, MAYBE it would be good to have a change. YES it would hurt to be away from my kids, But I thought of the possibility that a change would be a good thing. .... That is... up untill I made this proposal to him " If I were to think and maybe go ahead and move to Nevada with you, If there happens to be a chance that the courts wont let me move out of state, would you consider staying here till my boys turn 18??" .. without a moments hessitant he replied " NO" He said he wants a change...When I talk to him, he talks like he is planning on moving out there anywhere between 1 week and no more than 2 months down the road...I cant see how that is possible. .. He owes alot of money and we have alot of bills recurring every month... When I speak to his best friend Brad, He tells me that he is trying to explain to Chuck that nothing is deffinate. He is not sure about anything... and he would have to get an OK from his friends with Chuck going with him. See... Brad has friends in Nevada that he can stay with when he gets out there... Chuck knows no one...I feel Chuck is relying on Brad too much and expecting Brad to get him a job and a place to live...I tried to tell Chuck he needs to do that himself... he made no comment.

I am so hurt by him right now.. I told Chuck that when he leaves, he will have no further contact with my boys. If he can just be in their lives for 8 years and just suddenly want to up and leave them, then He does not deserve any further contact with them.

I am working on trying to find a new place to live. I want to move out as soon as possible, but I know I have ALOT of crap to go through and I havent even started.

My brother & Sister are a huge support for me. I know my mom and gramps are also not far from me in spirit. I now see that I can not rely on any man for anything. Rob & I were talking earlier about how him & I are destined to be single the rest of our lives.

Well I got a new site to go to.. I will be working 2 different positions during the week. It is 40 hours. I suppose the pay is OK as well. Naturally, you could always want a higher wage lol. The worst part is that I wont be starting untill the 19th, so I am going to have alot of time off - UGH! I am scheduled to train for 4 days @ 4 hours each day... so at least that is SOME hours lol...

I just spoke to Laura and told her that I was planning on trying to get the dentures the weekend of the 16th. She wasnt sure if she was going to be able to get the time off or not, so I told her I would call Dr. Daurio tomorrow and see what kind of an appointment I could set up. I will then give her another call back tomorrow evening and let her know what I schedule.

I will be so happy to finally be complete again. I will have a beautiful smile once again.This may help me get a better job... and then I could stick my tongue out at Chuck for leaving me lol .

Well Im done venting for now...

Bright Blessings

Kitty